Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
Relationships take a lot of work. More work than many people think. More work than many are willing to invest.
Whether it be the relationship between a husband and wife, mother and daughter, father and son, or any other combination you can permutate, there are dynamics, personalities, human foibles, differing viewpoints and mindsets that can make it difficult or impossible for some people to relate well to each other.
Misunderstandings are all too prevalent.
In his book, “Keep Your Love On”, Danny Silk identifies many of the dynamics that cause relationship problems.
With chapters like:
Powerful People, Powerful Relationships
Turn Your Love On
The Battle Between Fear and Love
Building Healthy Relationships
Communication: Exchanging the Truth Inside
Communicating in Conflict
and
Did You Learn to Love?
plus many more
You will learn about connection, communication and boundaries.
One thing we have to realize is that the goal of a relationship is either connection or disconnection.
We get to decide a lot of things. You’ve probably heard it said that love is a decision. We must practice unconditional acceptance and unconditional love. We learn not to control the other person while at the same time, we don’t accept their negative behavior.
We tell them, “No matter what you do, I am going to pursue the goal of connection with you.”
Danny observes that people who feel powerless will try to gain power by manipulating or controlling those around them.
All through the book, he presents scenarios that happen as people attempt to get their needs met by others instead of keeping the attitude that they should be powerful people who are here to help others. “A powerful person’s choice to love will stand no matter what the other person says or does.”
Another principle we all need to internalize is that the purpose of communication is to understand the other, not convince the other to agree with you.
These principles help us to realize that we are not at odds with each other, but we are on the same team.
1. The goal of a relationship is connection.
2. The purpose of communication is to understand each other, not convince the other to agree with us.
Danny has this to say about setting Boundaries:
“If you don’t prioritize your relationship with God, then your God Spot will end up with a human being in it.”
“Keeping God in your God Spot keeps you connected to the Holy Spirit’s incredible resources of wisdom and understanding to define your relational priorities and boundaries. He’s going to show you who you’re supposed to be, with whom you are supposed to be connecting, and how to build and protect those connections. He’s also the Spirit of power, love and self-control who enables you to follow through on your “yes” to these relationships.”
I have been putting many of these principles into practice since reading this book. I am reading it again to get it down deeper into my heart.
I feel that it has really helped me to improve my relationship and communication skills.
I feel so strongly about it that I have bought three more copies of this book, and I want to give these away to three of my readers. This giveaway will end November 28, 2014, the day after Thanksgiving.
How to win the giveaway:
Just leave a comment answering this question:
1. How do you keep your love light burning when your spouse is acting unloving?
Or this question:
2. Do you think a wife should confront her husband when his behavior is hurting his relationships?
I will read the comments, but I will just number the comments and choose a random number to give the books to. Please leave your email address so I can get a hold of the winners.
I wrote a similar post about marriage here based on things I gleaned from this book, KYLO.
Please read this post to get some more insights into ways to improve your marriage relationship.
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The Giveaway is now closed. The winners are Nikki Landis and Kathleen Carroll! Congratulations to the winners. I pray that their lives and relationships will be extremely blessed by the principles in this book. I know that I have been changed by reading it.
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I linked this post with the Wise Woman Builds Her Home link-up
"Oh that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a babe is placed in her bosom to be nursed and trained! Could she have but one glimpse in to the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she look into its soul to see its possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for its destiny,--she would see that in all God's world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no other's hands the sacred and holy trust given to her." -JR Miller
Penney, great review! I want this book!
How do I keep my love light burning when my spouse acts unloving? Hmmm, well, I work, with all my might, on my hidden, private thoughts, as I go about my life. I know that if I concentrate on his wrongdoings, I lead myself into becoming “poor me.”
I HATE drama and refuse to be a victim. I know that if I nurture my hurt feelings, I no longer have control over my emotions or my reactions, until after they spill out, making a huge mess. Drama, poor me, I am a victim, albeit for twenty seconds or the days, weeks or months I nurture all those self centered thoughts, win. Love does not.
If I want grace and mercy and understanding, I must extend them. I go to 1Cor 13 and replace “love” with my name; conviction comes at lightening speed. I must take my eyes off of me, purpose to love and trust God to fill those places that are lacking.
Wow, what a great answer! Your answer is better than my review of the book. Even so, I think you might find something new that will improve your relationships or help you to stay strong in your resolve to be the powerful person who keeps the connection strong with the people you love if you read this book. You will love it!
When my husband is acting unloving, I keep my love for him by backing off, and fighting my natural urge to talk, ask what’s wrong, whine, etc. if I do those things, he pulls away and it gets ugly.
I’ve had to learn to take care of myself and the kids and let him have his space when he’s unloving. 99% of the time his attitude has nothing to do with me, and he’ll eventually want to talk.
It is so hard to do, but I’m finally getting the hang of it!