Expectations: Are Yours Too High?

Setting Reasonable Expectations Makes Homeschooling Sustainable

I was talking to my friend about her experiences with her oldest son.  He’s 5 years old, and she is homeschooling for the first time.  Actually, she has been teaching him a lot from the very beginning.  For her son, that meant he learned his letters when he was 2 years old!  Can you believe it?  I could hardly believe it when she was telling me at the time.  Everything has been easy for him except handwriting.  His memory is practically photographic.  He can memorize scripture so easily that she never has a problem with him wanting to do it.  But she has a daughter, too.  Her daughter is 3 now and still doesn’t know her letters (gasp!).  Her memory is not as good as her brother’s and things don’t come as quickly for her.  But she is very bright and intelligent.  My friend knows that she will have to always keep in mind that her son is advanced and gifted and her daughter is more “normal”, or she will expect too much from her daughter and be frustrated with her.  She sees me as a more experienced mom, so I knew she valued my opinion, and I told her she was exactly right.  She used the words, “If I don’t keep that in mind, I might be too hard on her.”  I told her not to be hard on anybody.

I have been reading what people are saying in some online homeschool groups about teaching math.  One lady in particular said that after seeking lots of advice and looking at different curriculum and soul-searching, she came to the conclusion that her daughter’s diagnosis was “urmamaisnuts”! (Can you figure out what that says?)  She said that since she found out that other children have similar problems and that some people really do have a hard time learning the math facts, she realized her daughter wasn’t just being lazy.  Now that she has stopped stressing about it so much, their school days have been much more pleasant.

I feel so strongly about keeping our expectations reasonable because I have experienced the pain and frustration of having expectations that are too high.  When I expect too much from myself, I get frustrated and quit.  When I expect too much from my children, I get angry and start yelling.  When I expect too much from my husband, I start thinking terrible thoughts about him, and my attitude and behavior toward him are not godly.  Whenever someone tells me that they’re frustrated and feel like they’re failing at homeschooling, I almost always see where their expectations are too high.  I tell them to relax and set more realistic goals for themselves and for their children.  Many people have thanked me for that advice and have been able to continue homeschooling because they eased up and lowered their expectations, and life became more pleasant for the whole family.  I truly believe that many people who give up on homeschooling never made these adjustments and if they had, they might have had a completely different experience.  When the Lord tells us to do something and it makes us miserable, then we must be doing something wrong.  We need to seek Him and find out what His expectations are.

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The translation of the daughter’s diagnosis is:  Your mama is nuts!

Somebody’s Been Reading John Taylor Gatto!

Valedictorian Speaks Out Against Schooling in Graduation Speech

Here is an excerpt of what she said in her speech:

This is the dilemma I’ve faced within the American education system. We are so focused on a goal, whether it be passing a test, or graduating as first in the class. However, in this way, we do not really learn. We do whatever it takes to achieve our original objective.

Some of you may be thinking, “Well, if you pass a test, or become valedictorian, didn’t you learn something? Well, yes, you learned something, but not all that you could have. Perhaps, you only learned how to memorize names, places, and dates to later on forget in order to clear your mind for the next test. School is not all that it can be. Right now, it is a place for most people to determine that their goal is to get out as soon as possible.

I am now accomplishing that goal. I am graduating. I should look at this as a positive experience, especially being at the top of my class. However, in retrospect, I cannot say that I am any more intelligent than my peers. I can attest that I am only the best at doing what I am told and working the system. Yet, here I stand, and I am supposed to be proud that I have completed this period of indoctrination. I will leave in the fall to go on to the next phase expected of me, in order to receive a paper document that certifies that I am capable of work. But I contest that I am a human being, a thinker, an adventurer – not a worker. A worker is someone who is trapped within repetition – a slave of the system set up before him. But now, I have successfully shown that I was the best slave. I did what I was told to the extreme. While others sat in class and doodled to later become great artists, I sat in class to take notes and become a great test-taker. While others would come to class without their homework done because they were reading about an interest of theirs, I never missed an assignment. While others were creating music and writing lyrics, I decided to do extra credit, even though I never needed it. So, I wonder, why did I even want this position? Sure, I earned it, but what will come of it? When I leave educational institutionalism, will I be successful or forever lost? I have no clue about what I want to do with my life; I have no interests because I saw every subject of study as work, and I excelled at every subject just for the purpose of excelling, not learning. And quite frankly, now I’m scared.

John Taylor Gatto, a retired school teacher and activist critical of compulsory schooling, asserts, “We could encourage the best qualities of youthfulness – curiosity, adventure, resilience, the capacity for surprising insight simply by being more flexible about time, texts, and tests, by introducing kids into truly competent adults, and by giving each student what autonomy he or she needs in order to take a risk every now and then. But we don’t do that.” Between these cinderblock walls, we are all expected to be the same. We are trained to ace every standardized test, and those who deviate and see light through a different lens are worthless to the scheme of public education, and therefore viewed with contempt.

H. L. Mencken wrote in The American Mercury for April 1924 that the aim of public education is not “to fill the young of the species with knowledge and awaken their intelligence. … Nothing could be further from the truth. The aim … is simply to reduce as many individuals as possible to the same safe level, to breed and train a standardized citizenry, to put down dissent and originality. That is its aim in the United States.”

To see the original article, go here.

Here is the video of her speech:

I believe what she says about our education system is true. I was a valedictorian, too. I appreciate the teachers who tried to pass on knowledge to me and did their best within a flawed system to prepare me for my future.

But I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to do something completely different with my own children. Through homeschooling, my children have been allowed to explore their interests, learn at their own pace, and have time to ruminate on what they’ve learned.

There isn’t any known way to bulk- educate; it’s all custom work.~John Taylor Gatto

They are prepared to do what God made them to do, not just to be worker bees in the hive. The best schools in America still pray. But they also listen to what He says and obey!

Opportunity Knocks – Win a Missions Trip to Africa

This Missions Trip Could Change Your Life

Reinhard Bonnke is running a contest through Sept. 30 for an all-expense paid mission trip to Africa with his team.  This would be such an awesome experience.

More than 58 million people have made decisions for Christ through his crusades in Africa in the last decade alone.

I remember the first time Gary and I ever saw Reinhard Bonnke.  It was at a conference called Forceful Men and Women in Phoenix, Arizona back in 1990.  Reinhard was one of many speakers on the agenda of the conference.  He got up and started sharing about what God was doing in his crusades in Africa, and the whole audience and all of the leaders were so awed that they gave him the podium for the rest of the conference.  The other speakers just gave their places to him because they knew that he was the one anointed for that time and place to bring the message that was on God’s heart.  He shared about the massive crusades that he was doing and the many salvations and healings that were happening.  At that time, his meetings were each drawing almost a million people in the different cities in Africa.  We were astounded.

In the years since then, his crusades have drawn crowds of well over 1 million.  I saw in a video today that in one meeting there were over 3 million people who filled out decision cards signifying that they had accepted Christ.

For a chance to win an all-expense trip to Africa to experience the thrill of a massive revival crusade with this renowned evangelist, go to this link:

http://freeafricatrip.com/?fbid=X7GCnlU1KI9

40 Days for Life 2010 Fall Campaign

Praying to End Abortion

The movement that started in College Station, TX, with four people praying about how to end abortion in their community is gearing up to start their Fall Campaign. God gave them a strategy that they carried out back in 2004. As a result, abortions in the region were reduced by 28%. In 2007, the movement went national and now it is international. 2811 babies’ lives have been saved. Thirty-five abortion clinic workers have experienced conversion and left their jobs. Five abortion facilities have closed down following 40 Days for Life campaigns outside their doors.

Watch this video and see how you can get involved.

To learn more about 40 Days for Life go here.

You Can Be the Woman of Your Husband’s Dreams

A Wife Who Wants to Please Her Husband and God Will Do These Things

1. Respect him. If he is loyal, works hard and is a good-willed man, then he deserves your respect. You may wish for more, but be honest. He does deserve your respect. He’s doing his best according to his understanding of relationships. And he needs respect from you more than anything.

2. Put his needs above your own. Meet his needs. That’s biblical.

3. Pray down blessings on his head even when you feel angry, frustrated or upset that he’s not meeting your needs. Anything that happens to him happens to you. So pray for good things to happen to him!

4. Forgive. Die to yourself. Love unconditionally.

5. Be on his side. Be his cheerleader. Don’t criticize or correct.

6. Speak well of him to your children and to others – and to yourself!

7. Take your unmet needs to the Lord. He is the perfect husband and lover. Cry out to Him. He knows you better than you know yourself. Find contentment in your relationship with God. Ask the Lord to reveal the meaning of the phrase: “I am my Beloved’s and He is mine.” Ask the Lord to show you how He feels about you.

8. Don’t act like you’re independent and don’t need him.  Or like you can do things better than he can.  If you take the attitude, “If I want something done right, I have to do it myself”, he’ll let you.

9. Pray for him to learn how to “do relationships” better. Pray that God will send along godly mentors and put teachings in his path that will direct him toward meeting your needs and understanding your needs for affection and security. He will NOT learn it from you.

10. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that he’s not doing anything, and you’re doing everything. Chances are, he really doesn’t see those things that you consider so important and necessary. His priorities are bound to be different from yours. He is not trying to be a deadbeat. He is not actively seeking to neglect you. He may be doing things that in his heart are “just for you” that you are not appreciating at all.

11. Don’t nag. It’s counterproductive.

12.  See him as God’s son and your brother in Christ, not just your husband.  Ask God to help you to have right expectations of him.  Don’t expect him to meet needs that only God can meet.  Don’t make an idol of your husband.

By becoming the woman that God intended us to be, may each of us become the woman of our husbands’ dreams.