Changed By Love

I have a 3-year-old who throws tantrums quite often. She wants to do everything herself. I keep telling her that she’s too little, but when she gets older I will let her do those things; like microwave her own food, wash dishes, sweep the floor, pour her own drink and do her own laundry. She thinks she should be allowed to do those things now.

When I take things away from her and do them for her, she cries and throws herself on the floor and kicks her feet in the air. She wants to cook and clean and peel her own carrots, but at the same time, she feels that it’s her prerogative to pout and scream and flail her arms and legs around like a – like a 3-year-old.

Then there’s the issue of her fighting with her baby sister much of the time. Sometimes it’s motivated by jealousy, other times by selfishness, not wanting to share, etc. Sometimes she just seems to have a mean streak. She can be a bully to her older brother and sister, the twins, too. She hurts them by scratching, pinching and biting at different times. Then they start crying! Sometimes I feel like – “Please just stop the crying!”

I get impatient with her, as do most of the other people in the family when she has been doing this sort of thing all day long. There are times when I deliberately look her in the eye, listen to find out what she wants and do it for her, but then she gets upset because I gave her a yellow straw instead of a blue straw. I will not let her be spoiled. That is simply not tolerable in a family with 10 children. She seems determined to become spoiled. But we are determined to keep her from becoming spoiled. So I sometimes have to spank. I don’t spank hard or often. When I do, it seems to let her know who’s boss and helps her to understand her boundaries.

Sometimes I take her aside and talk to her. If I spend some time with her one on one, she usually settles down and acts less demanding. One of my daughters will usually step in and do this sort of thing if I’m busy with the 2-year-old or some other task. They have learned to do whatever is necessary to help her get control of herself. They are usually better than I am at being kind and patient with her.

A lot of times, she is really just tired and sleepy and needs to go to bed. When it gets later, and she is acting extremely demanding, I sometimes ask her if she wants to go to bed and she says Yes. That seems like a miracle to me, because my older children would never admit that they were sleepy, and they never willingly went to bed at that age.

I’m thankful for older children who will intervene with the younger children when they see that I am frazzled and can’t take any more. They are learning techniques and principles that I am sure will assist them in the future with raising their own children or dealing with children (and people in general) in their future jobs, careers and ministries.

I’m participating in this challenge that my friend Dana Bailey put out to all of us moms. This post tells the purpose and instructions for how to participate:

As a mom, I know that I focus too much on all the wrong things my kids do and miss out on all the right things they do. I get frustrated with chores not done or with their disobedience. When I only see their sin, I miss out on the blessing that my children really are.

Genesis 1:31 says, “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was excellent in every way.” (NLT)

I love how that is worded, “excellent in every way”…. Our children are excellent in every way, in spite of how they act at times. They were made in Gods’ image and he said his creation is excellent.

Do you think your kids are excellent? I know that there are many times that I don’t see them as excellent.

I want you to join me in 30 Days of Excellent in Every Way in September.

Years ago, the Lord impressed on me the importance of letting my kids know that I think they are excellent. I began making a special effort in showing my kids either by my words or my actions that I think they are wonderful!

This is what you do, if you want to join me. For the month of September:

1. Pray & ask God to show you ways in which your kids are excellent. If you are like me, you may have a child that is more difficult than others. This is the child that you need really need to focus on. Pray for that child & ask God to show you how that child is excellent.

2. Keep a journal if you like of what the Lord shows you about your kids. If you have a blog, blog about it & send me your link!

3. At least once a day, post a status on face book about how one of your children was excellent. Don’t use their name if you don’t want to, especially if they are on face book.

4. Invite your friends. Ask your mom friends to join us.

5. Use excellent words with your children. Tell them when you catch them doing something wonderful. Compliment them. Build them up with your positive, encouraging words!

I am inviting you to do this with me to keep me accountable! Plus I can’t wait to see how the Lord moves in my heart towards my attitude toward my children.

I think Dana has a great idea. It takes praying for them a step further. We are walking out our love for them. Sometimes we take for granted that they know that we love them. But I need words of affirmation, and I know that they do, too.

Today I woke up to one of my daughters fixing breakfast for everyone. Sausage and eggs and choices of different types of toast or bagels. It was delicious! She did it of her own accord. She didn’t act like it was a burden or expect accolades. She humbly fixed breakfast and quietly served us all with a pure heart.

I’m so proud of her. It’s not the first time she has done such a thing. I’m very grateful for a daughter who serves with such a sweet attitude.

If you would like to participate, go to Dana’s blog or find this group on Facebook.