Changed By Love

I know it doesn’t seem like it. Especially when you have just left a career. Or when you are trying to figure out how to juggle being a mom and still working at a career. But look at what God says about mothers and children and family in His word. Does He ever mention a career outside of the home? Does He ever say that He knows that you won’t find staying at home with your child or children fulfilling, so you will need to find other things to do, too?

I know how you feel. I was there, too, when I had my first child. My heart was to stay home and raise my children, but I still had to adjust. And it took a couple of years to adjust to the slower pace. I still wanted to go, go, go. I was frustrated by how much effort it took to get all the baby gear together just to go to the grocery store or the park or a friend’s house. Then I had another baby. Then another. I had been doing homeschool assessments all during the summer and tutoring whenever anybody asked. It made me feel a little more significant and fulfilled than just changing diapers and cleaning (which I abhor). I came to the realization that I have chosen to be a homemaker, but I don’t really like homemaking. And I’m not really good at it. I felt like a failure, since I had chosen as a life profession something that I’m not good at and don’t enjoy doing. So I kept trying to find other things to do along with the things that I’m not good at. Things that I’m better at, like tutoring and talking to people about how they are educating their children.

Finally, the Lord stopped me, as I was running myself ragged with all the outside things besides taking care of my own children. He let me know in no uncertain terms that I was neglecting my children. Oh my! I was grief-stricken. I had been neglecting them for about 10 years at that point.

I had to stop looking for fulfillment in things outside of my home, my husband and my children.

I was under direct orders from the Lord, so I figured I had better obey Him. So I stopped trying to go somewhere every day. I stayed home with my children. We then had time to do some projects together. I baked with them more. I found activities on the internet that I could do with them. I still fight with doing other things when I should be spending time with my children. They get busy doing their own things, and they are having so much fun, that I don’t want to interrupt them. Sometimes I just start reading a book and get caught up in it and don’t really spend much time with them one on one. Now that the internet is here, I really struggle with spending too much time on it and not enough time with my kids. And I don’t take care of the house like I should.

But I’m here. I’m Mom. And to them, that’s enough. More importantly, to God, that’s enough.