Changed By Love

I recently attended a conference for Christian moms. The speakers were amazing! The messages were on point. The theme was the importance of friendship among women. I went to the conference alone, because I don’t have many friends in real life, and the few I have couldn’t go to the conference with me.

So I didn’t know a single person there. That’s nothing new. I have gone to many places and events where I have not known anyone at all. But it’s never comfortable. I don’t think I will attend any more conferences alone.

I had a hard time finding a vacant seat at a table even though I was there early. A kind young lady noticed my predicament and called out to me, “Ma’am, do you need a place to sit?” Why yes I do. Thank you very much.

So I gratefully sat down. Ahh, now let the delightful fellowship and refreshing, inspirational words of the speakers flow over my thirsty, lonely soul.

We had a half hour before the first speaker, so we were supposed to get to know the people at our table. I turned to the girl to my left and tried to engage her in conversation. Everything she told me about herself I found truly fascinating. I got all excited and pulled out my phone to tell my family about the connections I was making at the conference. I was so excited and thought God had put me at the perfect table to meet someone I was supposed to connect with. But she didn’t return the sentiment. She was less than interested in talking to me any further. She looked away and talked to everyone but me for the rest of the time.

The table was full of young moms, probably in their late 20’s or early 30’s. They all seemed to hit it off famously. They all talked to each other and shared little glances and giggles throughout the talks. But not one of them looked at me to share a laugh or nod of agreement about something that was said. I felt excluded, maybe even a tiny bit ostracized.

One of the main topics that was addressed in the conference was the problem of loneliness in our culture. I didn’t feel lonely until I sat at that table being ignored by 10 other women.

I surmised that one cause of the distaste the girl to my left felt toward me may have been my age. I’m 55. That must seem old to her. She was shocked that I had and used the Marco Polo app. But far from being impressed, she seemed a bit annoyed that I used it.

I found out that she feels like she learns all that she needs to know from her peers. She watches other young moms who are doing so well and follows their example. She doesn’t feel that she needs any older women in her life to learn from.

I guess I was just lucky enough to sit next to an ageist. And the table seemed to be full of young moms who felt pretty much the same way.

Let me be clear about this. I did try to initiate conversation and interaction. I am an introvert, and I used to be shy. But I’m not anymore. I’m friendly, and doggone it, people like me! 😃

But there seemed to be a foregone conclusion among them that I didn’t have anything to offer. They treated me like a non-person. I hate being treated that way!

I didn’t expect to be worshipped or adored. Just a little common courtesy and acknowledgement of my presence would have been good enough for me. It was a distressing experience for me. And the result was that after a conference intended to inspire friendship and help to dispel loneliness, I felt more friendless, lonely, and unworthy of love or respect than I did before. And old!

So I hope that someone who may read this will think twice about how they treat their elders. Just because we are a few years older doesn’t mean that we have forgotten what it’s like to be young. We are not archaic. Many of us may know about Twitter and Instagram. I know you think Facebook is for old people, but those of us who use it are sharing wisdom and knowledge that you might actually benefit from. If you followed anyone besides celebrities and people your own age, you might find out that we are people, too. We deserve at least as much respect and honor as you give to younger people. You can take the time to get to know us and explore the possibility of friendship even if we have gray hair and wrinkles. You might even enjoy our humor and stories that we share.

Our ideas might seem outdated to you, and you may think that we’re wrong because times have changed, and we have been left in the dust. But as you get older yourself, you might start to see some things differently. Times have changed; technology has revolutionized our lives. But people still have the same basic needs. We all need to know that we’re loved. We all need to be understood. We all need someone to care about. We all need family of some sort. We all need people with different strengths, gifts, personalities, and life experiences to add to our lives.

Advances in technology have not changed the way people really are inside. The wisdom from the past may save your life some day. It might at least keep you from making mistakes that you will regret for the rest of your life. I would encourage you to listen to some older people, too, not just the people who are in the same stage of life as you are. Some of the more seasoned moms may have been through some very similar situations that you are going through, and they might be able to give you better advice than your age-mates, because they made it through the situation and found out what worked and what didn’t. They don’t just have theories or hunches. They have real life experience. You can learn from their experience – and their mistakes.

And I hope that some may find this post and decide to treat their elders with respect for their age instead of derision for their antiquated ways and ideas. Ages that seem old to you now will be getting younger and younger to you. Their ways that seem so out of step and old-fashioned and irrelevant to modern life may be ways that you adopt and learn to cherish as you and your children get older. You may decide that they knew something you didn’t know.

My experience at the conference was not an isolated incident. I have had similar experiences in other places and times. I was not old, but I was considered old by the majority of the people in these places. My age and experience were not respected. I was ignored and set aside.

I think it is a tragic mistake for young moms to only seek counsel from other moms their same age. No matter how smart and savvy a young woman is, experience will always trump untested theories and ideas that seem to be working at the moment.

My experience has taught me that I was way too prideful and arrogant when I was a young mom. I learned the hard way to ask for advice and help from people who had already been through similar experiences.

I know now that I should have been doing a lot more watching, listening, learning, and accepting help and advice from older women than talking to peers and reading and figuring out for myself what was best.

I hope that you will be smarter than I was and you will respect and honor and seek out the wisdom of older women. Especially those who are strong believers and who love God with their whole hearts. The time spent with them, the knowledge they share, and the support that they provide will be worth more to you than gold.

Don’t despise them because they’re old.

Give Them Time to Learn and Freedom to Do It Their Way

Jan.26,2019

One of the biggest advantages of homeschooling is the freedom we have. We have the ability to control the curriculum and schedule, literally everything about how we educate our children. Even if we have homeschool standards and restrictions in our state, we can meet those in our own way in keeping with our philosophy and beliefs and what works best for our families. There are so many benefits of homeschooling. A few of them are more efficient use of time and the ability to do it our own way. We can personalize education in a way that is impossible in classroom situations. Any effort to individualize education in public school or any classroom setting requires extreme amounts of energy and planning and organization and record keeping skills that few teachers have. I know I don’t have that kind of energy or skill. Organizing and keeping track of 20 or more students in a classroom all doing work that is truly personal and individual is a mind-boggling task.

More Efficient Use of Time

Far less time is wasted on bathroom and hall passes and class management, discipline, refereeing negative interaction between students, distraction, excessive noise and talking than at school. Since we don’t have any in homeschool. (Or at least we shouldn’t have many of these things!)
Kids don’t get frustrated by having to learn things they are not interested in.
They don’t have to wait for others in the class to finish before they can move on. Each student can move at their own pace.

We have no arbitrary or artificial time constraints as homeschoolers.
Your school time does not have to look ANYTHING like public school or any other classroom arrangement.

Make it Your Own

We can individualize and personalize the “curriculum” for each student. We can build our curriculum, schedule, and daily routine based on the interests, skills, talents, personalities, and preferences of our children. We can even structure our day and use of time according to our preferences and needs. We can let our young ones play a lot. We can let our older ones major on a subject that they are very interested in. We can change from one style to another if we find that something is not working for us. We can let one child use one kind of curriculum and another do things in a totally different way. We don’t have to use workbooks. We can let our children read and write and draw A LOT! There is no one standing and looking over our shoulder telling us how we have to do it. So throw away your old ideas of what school should look like and figure out what works best for you and your family. There are lots of books to read about different styles and philosophies and methods to use in homeschooling. You should read and compare them and see what appeals to you the most and feels like the best fit.

Read books like:

These books will give you an overview of how to shape your own curriculum and how to enjoy homeschooling. I consider these books some of the best books to help you make the most of homeschool freedom.

No Tests or Grades – A Benefit of Homeschooling

Jan.21,2019

No tests or grades or grade levels are necessary when you homeschool.

You may choose to use them or not. You could just identify areas that are not mastered or learned well enough yet and work on learning them better. In the early years, many people are very comfortable with letting their children learn in a more natural way at their own pace. You can get a general outline or list of skills that are taught in a cumulative way, meaning they build on each other, and use that to go by.

Or you can use books at a certain grade level that corresponds more or less with the age of your child and teach the topics that are covered in that book. There are many ways to determine what you should teach your child when. Some people feel that giving grades is a way of rewarding externally. I believe that children should really learn because they want to know something or they have internal motivation to accomplish goals and master skills. I believe this is a deeper, more thorough type of learning process.

The high school years don’t require daily grades or grade levels or tests, either. It’s up to you. If you feel more comfortable giving grades, and you have time and a system for keeping track, then you should do that. You are the boss of your homeschool. You get to decide how you do it. I just offer this alternative to you, in case you are not aware that it is an alternative.

When it comes to transcripts and diplomas, there are ways to do those even if you haven’t used grades throughout your years of homeschooling. Here is a good post https://simplehomeschool.net/transcript/ to help you develop a transcript even if you have used a more relaxed approach even through high school. I have designed transcripts for many people that have worked just fine to get them into college or into a job they were applying for.

This is what I have done. I have not used grades, grade levels, or tests, and I have found that it works well. My kids have been able to get jobs and do well in the things they have endeavored. They are mature and well-adjusted, for the most part. They have been complimented by management, fellow employees, and clients for their maturity, skills, and good work ethics. My kids have been commended for their ability to come up with solutions and to think outside of the box. I think it’s because they have had freedom to experiment, think deeply, try new things, and have not had the pressure of trying to make a good grade that would hinder their creative efforts.

Individualized Education – A Major Perk of Homeschooling

Jan.17,2019

The ideal way to teach people is one at a time. There can be some synergy in a group, but to be sure that a person is learning, and to give the learner a chance to relate to the material personally, the best form of education is one-on-one tutoring. In the best case scenario, the teacher or facilitator of learning is available to the learner at all times. It is impossible to fall through the cracks when you are the only one there. There are no cracks! Individualized education is the ideal. There are other important factors that influence the effectiveness of the instruction such as the quality of the learning material, the matching of the teaching with the learning style, the attitude of the instructor toward the student and vice versa, and the level of interest of the student.

In individualized education each student is valued as an individual and is instructed in a manner that lines up with his skills and what he is interested in. To teach a student individually, you don’t need a big chalkboard or even whiteboard usually. Most things can just be written on a regular sheet of paper and explained one-on-one. It’s a tutoring situation instead of a group situation. It’s easy for the teacher to give a lot more focused attention to each student. And immediate feedback is very helpful in the learning process. The teacher can tell the student right away if something is right or wrong or can discuss a concept right at the time the student is encountering and engaging with an idea or topic of interest. Deeper, more lasting learning happens in this atmosphere than in a classroom full of people with a leader who has a lesson plan and a time limit.

Group lessons can be helpful, and some good thinking can be inspired by a good speaker. But the very best type of learning comes from what you meditate, ponder, consider, compare, and add to your own body of knowledge and beliefs on your own time and in your own way. Individualized education should allow thinking time and inspire further study of topics that interest the student.

I see homeschooling as the ideal way to individualize education. Another benefit of homeschooling is that students do less comparing of themselves to other students. Kids can build up confidence in their abilities. They aren’t constantly compared to other kids. If a brother or sister is better at something, the teacher (mother) can explain, “They’re older than you are” or “You’re really good at this other thing”. There isn’t that feeling of being not as smart or being in competition with others but the student is just doing the best that he can. He just does his personal best.

So I see the ability to individualize instruction as a major perk of homeschooling. The schools would love to be able to individualize, but it’s just not possible with the class sizes they have. We should take advantage of the wonderful opportunity we have to allow our children to specialize and go deep into subjects they love and want to explore to the fullest extent. They can learn and discover to their heart’s content. So let them!