Changed By Love

Mary Hood started homeschooling before there was homeschooling. When she decided to teach her son at home, there were only 6 other families in the state of Alabama that identified as homeschool families.

She only started homeschooling because she didn’t know what else to do with her oldest son. She knew he would not fit into a school. He was advanced in reading ability but could not sit still for long periods of time. The school she was considering putting him in would have tested him to see if he was gifted, and if he was, they would have given him even more hours of instruction. She knew he would hate that, and it would not be good for him. She was already an educational expert herself, so she felt confident she could teach him herself.

She still wasn’t a full-blown homeschooler yet. She sent her second child, a daughter, to preschool, but then felt that it wasn’t fair for her son to have so much fun with his mom on field trips and adventures, while her daughter had to go away all day and miss out on all the fun.

So then she settled on homeschooling as the method of education for her family as she had three more children and learned that teaching them at home was the best thing for them.

Mary was known for being “The Relaxed Homeschooler”. She wrote several books. The Relaxed Homeschool: A Family Production; The Joyful Homeschooler; Onto the Yellow School Bus and Through the Gates of Hell; and The Relaxed Homeschooler Rides Again.

Unfortunately, Mary passed away last year. She was still actively teaching Zoom classes and making plans for other ways to continue helping homeschoolers. It was a shock to the homeschool community to hear that she was gone. It was a terrible loss.

But we can still learn from her through her books. And here’s her YouTube Channel    You’ll get to know her through this video.

And this is a good video to watch to find out what she taught.

Here are some of the important things that I gleaned from her book: The Relaxed Homeschooler Rides Again.

Mary believed that:

You are a family, not a school;

You are a father, not a principal;

You are a mother, not a teacher;

You have relationships with your individual children, not a classroom.

We can’t come up with a one-size-fits-all kind of educational philosophy, because all of our children are very different.

Our families are unique, our children are each individuals, created by God for specific purposes which we will gradually identify over the course of many years.

As homeschool moms we need to include ourselves in the process of homeschooling, recognizing that our own balance and emotional health are critical to the success of the entire family. If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!

She realized that public schools have become dangerous places for children. She encouraged us to remember why we were homeschooling, and why we were not sending them to public school. She talked about how taking God out of schools caused a massive slide in test scores, discipline and parents were shoved to the side.

She vehemently objected to common core and the way it attempts to force abstract thinking on young children before they are developmentally ready.

She was disgusted by what she saw in early education and advocated for removing children from schools and figuring out how you can teach them at home.

She believed that one of the first requirements for a homeschool environment is for the family to respect the father as the head of the home. But she also knew that it is equally important for fathers to respect their wives as the primary educator of the children.

She also believed that we should respect children and treat them respectfully. She gave the example of giving a child a warning when it’s going to be time to finish up what they’re doing so they can come to dinner. She said that play is their work, and we shouldn’t just expect them to stop immediately in the middle of what they’re doing to go to the dinner table. We wouldn’t expect that of our husbands, so we shouldn’t expect it of them, either.

Mary recommended that new homeschool moms learn about the developmental needs of children so they know what is to be expected and don’t accidentally mis-label normal conduct as “laziness” or “misconduct”.

She said “it’s critical to recognize the individuality of your children. Not everyone learns at the same pace, or develops in the same manner. Even young children begin to show certain strengths and weaknesses, desires, and inclinations. Learning styles vary considerably, and it is very likely that what works well for the first child in your family will not work at all for the second or third.”

When children are allowed to learn in the way that works best for them, they almost all turn out to be good readers and writers. They don’t need to conform to someone else’s idea of grade level to be able to learn what they need to know.

She was adamant that we need to change all of our assumptions that we developed in a public school setting. The homeschool environment is quite different, and will require a whole new mindset. She said to challenge every single thought that pops into your mind like “I have to finish this second grade book by the end of second grade.” Learn to question everything you’ve ever believed about learning, and examine what is really true and necessary. Ask if it’s appropriate at this time for your child and if it’s consistent with your goals.

I love this statement that she made in her book: “In reality, somebody made up all those grade levels, and in some cases, it might have been pretty arbitrary!”

About standardized testing, she said they’re not good for homeschoolers to use for assessment, because the people who wrote those questions were not testing your curriculum. She still had her kids take the tests to meet state requirements and to give them practice in taking tests. She cautioned people not to take the test scores too seriously or allow their child to be labeled because of them.

She was very big on helping our children to set goals. When she set goals, she thought about 6 areas: values, attitudes, habits, skills, talents & interests, and knowledge. She said that setting these goals made it easier for her to make everyday decisions. For her it was a much higher goal to help her children learn to love reading than it was to teach them to read.

Mary believed that being a purist concerning any philosophy is dangerous, since flexibility and genuine respect is so important to your success..

She said the most important thing is to remain flexible and adapt things as necessary for a particular child. We should use our curriculum and not let it use us! Never insist on a child finishing something that isn’t working, or is killing off his love of learning just to “learn discipline”.

Mary said to never let yourself be married to a curriculum or philosophy, but to be ready to adapt and change wherever needed, so you can remain relaxed and confident that you’re still in control. Never let anybody take that control away from you.

She said to “listen, learn, and then trust your own judgement and adapt everything to your own family and the needs of your very unique individual children.”

Mary talked a lot about raising and homeschooling teenagers, which she preferred to call “young, transitional adults”. She said that if we demonstrate a growing respect for our young adults they will have a reciprocal respect for us and our role in their lives.

For her one son, they submitted a two-page narrative entitled “In Lieu of Transcript” and he got in to college!

She said that part of our job is to introduce our children to a wide variety of possible interests, starting when they are quite young.

The 6 main goals she set involved values, attitudes, habits, skills, talents & interests, and knowledge. She emphasized the first three during the years leading up to 12, and the last three during the teenage years.

To sum up her book, she repeated that “God and parents are the only ones that should be in control. Never give that control away to anybody else. Learn and grow together and pay attention to all the little blessings each day holds. Relax and enjoy it. It goes by in a heartbeat!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you’ve enjoyed this introduction to one of our homeschool pioneers that paved the way for the rest of us to homeschool successfully and joyfully.