Love and Respect: A Royal Marriage

Love and Respect: A Royal Marriage

Princesses Need Love; Princes Want Respect

from Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, Susan Mathis

Marriage is a lot like royalty. A wife wants to be first in the heart of her prince. A husband wants to be the hero that his princess admires and respects.

There is something intriguing about royalty – and a royal marriage. It’s as if something within all of us longs to be royal. Did you know that God says we are royalty? “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Peter 2:9).

God has put in the heart of every little girl to be a princess. She dresses up, talks about it, even dreams about it. As a woman, she wants to be first in the heart of her prince. She wants to be loved and treasured like a princess.

A little boy wants to be the hero, defending the fort and saving others from danger. As a man, he wants to be the prince, the hero that his princess admires and respects. He is designed by God to be a man of honor, one who is responsible to provide and care for his princess.

The wedding ceremony is a great picture of the prince and the princess dynamic – the love and respect is evident, and it is beautiful. But what often happens in that first year is that he isn’t as loving as she expected or needed him to be. And she often stops treating her prince with the respect that he needs. She needs to be loved, to be his princess; he needs to be respected, to be her prince. When this dynamic breaks down, the relationship gets crazy.

In my book, The Language of Love and Respect, I talk about the concept of wanting to be treated as a prince and a princess. “The man with basic goodwill wants to serve his wife, and he would even die for her. When his wife shows him unconditional respect, in most cases he will feel like a prince and be motivated to show her the kind of unconditional love she desires. She is a princess who is loved.” (p. 18)

Benevolent Goodwill

In a safe and secure kingdom (even when that kingdom is a home), its people thrive. Effective kingdom leaders demonstrate benevolent goodwill to the people. In marriage, the importance of goodwill is just as important.

One key to making your relationship safe and secure is to demonstrate benevolent goodwill toward your mate – to believe he or she has good intentions, to expect the best of the other person. Even when your mate messes up, you can choose to believe in the goodwill of your spouse.

Unfortunately, what often happens when you feel unloved or disrespected is that you start predicting and judging the other person’s motives. Research shows that successful couples don’t make condemning judgments about the other; they choose to trust their mate’s intentions.

Once a couple decides to see each other as good-willed people, it changes their perspective and the filter through which they view their relationship. “Good-willed” doesn’t mean we’ll do good all the time; it just means that the intentions are good.

Matthew 26:41 says it well: “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak”. Since a man and a woman naturally view conflict differently, they too often judge each other. During those times when your spouse is frustrating you, you can still believe in your mate’s goodwill, respond accordingly and treat each other as teammates, partners, even allies.

Royal differences

Though the differences between men and women are part of the relationship challenge, God intended it to be this way. Women and men simply have different filters through which they experience life. She sees through pink sunglasses, hears with pink hearing aids and speaks through a pink megaphone. He sees through blue sunglasses, hears with blue hearing aids and speaks through a blue megaphone.

Yet, when blue blends with pink, it becomes purple, God’s color – the color of royalty. He made us male and female to reflect His image, and as we love and respect each other, we create that purple, blending together as one to reflect the very image of God. When we understand this, we can begin to value our prince and our princess as God does, and we can trust that this is a truly magnificent design.

Even as allies you’ll have moments of conflict. But whether it’s a disagreement over sex or taking out the trash, each of you can rehearse what you know to be true: He’s a good-willed man; she’s seeing the situation through princess-pink glasses. He’s not wrong; she’s just different. We are friends; we are allies. Then, by going to God during conflict, we can discern His answer, what His royal purple, is. When we do this, we find the heart of God.

A Peace-filled Kingdom

Though the prince and princess of the movies tend to be perfect, you’re married to an imperfect person. So how do you show unconditional love and respect when your spouse is so obviously imperfect? Unconditional means there is no condition or circumstance or situation that would cause him to be hostile (the opposite of love) or cause her to show contempt (the opposite of respect). It is choosing to show your princess a loving attitude, or your prince a respectful attitude, regardless of the weaknesses of the flesh.

It’s not always easy, but we must avoid passing condemning judgment on our spouse. Judas and Peter both denied Jesus. Jesus saw Peter as having a willing spirit but weak flesh, so He never passed judgment on Peter. If you’re married to a man like Peter, don’t see him as a Judas. How does the Lord see your husband or wife? He’s a prince, a co-heir with Christ. As a child of God, he is royalty. As a child of God, she is royalty.

Seeing each other as God sees us, as His prince and princess, will cause us to treat each other differently. God has an unconditional commitment to loving us, and so should we. That’s part of maintaining a peace-filled, good-willed kingdom – and a royal marriage.
Copyright © 2011 by Susan Mathis and Emerson Eggerichs. All rights reserved. Used by permission.  via Focus on the Family

I Had No Idea It Would Be His Last Blog Post

You may have noticed that I share a lot of David Wilkerson’s devotionals here on my blog. The ones that really touch me right where I am have usually ended up on my blog. Well, today’s devotional was one of those, so I posted it here Wed. morning, the same day I received it in my email. It was about believing when all means fail.

Here’s a quote from that article:

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

I found out tonight that David Wilkerson was killed in a car wreck today (Wednesday) in Texas. His wife, Gwen, was airlifted to the hospital and is in critical condition. Please pray for her and the rest of the family.

His last blog post seems especially fitting. It seems that all means have failed for him in an earthly sense. But as some of my Facebook friends have noted, “… unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

We are believing for thousands of people like him to be raised up – true prophetic voices in these last days.

And this part of his post seems especially prophetic:

“To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.” Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love.

I will miss him. I was so inspired by his words and his life.

But God has a plan, and I can’t wait to see what He’s about to do.

A Father’s Love Letter

A Father’s Love Letter

The words you are about to experience are true. They will change your life if you let them. For they come from the very heart of God… He loves you…and He is the Father you have been looking for all your life. This is His love letter to you…

My Child…

You may not know me, but I know everything about you …Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up …Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways …Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered …Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image …Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being …Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring …Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived …Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation …Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book …Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live …Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made …Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother’s womb …Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born …Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me …John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love …1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you …1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father …1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could …Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father …Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand …James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs …Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope …Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love …Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore …Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing …Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you …Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession …Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul …Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things …Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me …Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart …Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires …Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine …Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager …2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles …2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you …Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart …Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes …Revelation 21:3-4

And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth …Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus …John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed …John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being …Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you …Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins …2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled …2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you …1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love …Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me …1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again …Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen …Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father …Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? …John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you …Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad… Almighty God

Taken from the Godvine newsletter at

When All Means Fail

David Wilkerson Today
April 27, 2011

To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening.

That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger, overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.”

Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!”

Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks.

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

Read this devotion online:

Trusting God in the Face of Difficulties

David Wilkerson Today

MONDAY, APRIL 25, 2011


Nothing honors God more than trusting him in the face of difficulties. How
quickly we forget the miracles and past blessings.

In Psalm 106 we see Israel beholding an incredible miracle as the Red Sea caved
in upon the Egyptian army, drowning every soldier. “When they saw the
Egyptians lie in the sea before them, then they believed in God, and sang his
praise.” And the next words that follow are, “They soon forgot his works”
(verse 13).

But we cannot trust our faith to past experiences—we are too forgetful and
recall is too fragile. Past experience alone will not be enough to strengthen
us in present difficulties. We need fresh faith—anchored in a daily supply of
the Word of God—a fresh word from God!

Trust God when facing difficulties and God will trust you with more of his
grace, his all-sufficiency and his strength.

To trust God in the face of dire difficulties requires a venturing
faith—committing all things into his caring hands. There comes a time we must
launch out into the deep and cast every care upon him. This venturing faith is
all-pleasing to him.

Faith is our only hope, our only way out of difficulties. So let us step out
and commit all to him!

Read this devotion online: